you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
