he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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