we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
