dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
