I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
