At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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