Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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