New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
