i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
