Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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