I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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