is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So squirting runs in the family.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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