careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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