i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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