i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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