According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We had to coat check the pizza.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
