checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would ride that face into the sunset
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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