Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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