I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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