I seem to have left my pride at pride
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
