The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i now understand why vodka
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
