I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
