Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
