go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
