Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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