saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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