I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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