I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
