i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
