she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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