There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
