no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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