i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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