I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
