so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I FOUND THE LEGS
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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