Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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