I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
