Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
