If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
