drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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