i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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