You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
