new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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