I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
