I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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