Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
