The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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