Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
