Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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