At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
